Monday, January 14, 2013

I Saw Les Mis and am Obligated to Write About It

Spoiler alert: if you've somehow gone your whole life without learning the ending of Les Miserables and have yet to figure it out from the title, proceed with caution. And work on your inferencing skills.

So I'm just going to say it: Les Mis bummed me out. I knew that would happen. In fact, I largely didn't want to see it; if I wanted to spend three hours watching unnaturally skinny people and feeling depressed, I'd TiVo the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show and play it on repeat throughout my house.

But I saw it anyway. Mostly because I had to know what everyone was tweeting/Facebook status-ing about. (We get it: "to love another person is to see the face of God." But think about it-- what does that really even mean?) I won't tell you all of the things you already know, I'm sure, from this excessive posting about it. But what I will tell you is to sit next to an aisle, because this movie is three hours long and every other scene is extremely emotional. Read: there is no good time to bump into all of your neighbors in your row so you can go to the bathroom. And it will happen to you. So help you, it will.


New Year's Resolutions

#1. Start this blog. Because I like to start off with something I've basically already accomplished. It gives me great satisfaction to have checked off a resolution within the first week or two, while other people with real goals are still working on theirs. It feeds my ego.
#2. Lose a couple pounds. I'm not sure if this was really my idea or if it's even necessary. But after the barrage of Weight Watchers advertising on New Year's Eve, it seemed like a good bandwagon to jump on. Hey, if Jessica Simpson's doing it, I should too, right? (Note to self: do NOT make this a life motto.)
#3. Love yourself more. I am 100% on board with this one. I started off with "fall in love," but then thought, who deserves my love any more than I do? Also, I may or may not have been in the Self Help section of Barnes and Noble when I came up with this one... and when you're reading all those self-help summaries, this "you" person starts to seem pretty attractive.
But let it be noted that I'm going to give myself some time on this one. Heck, it took Liz Gilbert a year and a whole lot of Italian spaghetti to figure this one out. I think I deserve at least another week and a trip to Olive Garden.

The Perils of SADness

Like everyone else, I get the winter blues sometimes. I'm told this is called Seasonal Affective Disorder. However, I have decided that I positively do not have Seasonal Affective Disorder, for two reasons:
1. My blues are really not that serious. In fact, they're really more like aquas. As in, "I'm NOT getting out of bed. Ever. It's cold outside. What? There's sunlight today? Alright. You win. I'm coming."
2. I frequently imagine that if I DID have SAD, all my conversations about it would go something like this:
Me: I need to go to the Doctor, I have SAD.
Other person: Wait, what? You're... sad? That's a condition now?
Me: No, I mean-- well yes, I am-- but SAD means... well yeah, I guess it means I'm sad. But it just sounds stupid when you put it like that. I have a complex emotional response tied to the availability of sunlight that's affected by the length of... you know what? Yeah, I'm sad. Let's go with that.

Libraries Suck

I don't understand why everyone is always raving about the joys of "getting lost in the library." It happened to me today and it was awful. Three hours trying to figure out the damn Dewey Decimal system... why can't libraries just switch to Google Maps?

Exercising Is Not Yummy

All of these weight loss commercials I'm seeing on TV keep promising that with diet and exercise, weight loss will be a piece of cake. So I decided to try exercise, on the off chance that cake might be involved. It was not.

This Post Costs a Nickel

Whenever someone offers me a penny for my thoughts, I'm a little bit insulted. I'm a student of a liberal arts education. My thoughts are worth at least a nickel, last time I checked my tuition bill.

Typical Hollywood

Everyone seems to know that Ben Affleck has been robbed by the Academy... yet I see no arrests being made and have heard no reports of police investigation. It's infuriating how Hollywood has always been so above the law.